just like that, it happened!

At first I was in denial. I resisted for an awfully long time. And then suddenly, it happened: I fell hard and fast. That’s right, I’m in love again!

It all started with my friends on Facebook, ooh-ing and aah-ing and cooing. The more I heard, the more I had an inkling that there was a lot to like. And then one night, while curled in bed with my iPad, the recommendation from Netflix pushed me over the edge. Finally, I succumbed to temptation: I clicked “play”…and I was immediately transfixed by the Grantham family and Downton Abbey.

I mean, I’ve always enjoyed the works of Victorian England writers – the Brontes, Edith Wharton, etc. and I can’t deny a fondness for the Queen’s colorful English…I’ve recently found many occasions to use dramatic words like “deplorable,” “ghastly” and (accompanied, of course, by a raised eyebrow) the phrase, “Some manners would not go amiss.”

I watched the entire first season that night, completely drawn into the scenery, costumes and stories of the Downton aristocrats and servants. I felt as though I’d been admitted to a special club — a group of millions of viewers who are likely equally smitten with Cousin Matthew and envious of Lady Mary’s uncanny knack for always saying exactly the right thing in any given circumstance.

Certainly not all characters are equal, but it is a delight to watch the family weather various challenges, from the Titanic’s sinking (and loss of an heir) to war and death, to new economic realities. We watch as Robert, ahem — Lord Grantham — the family’s patriarch, transforms from a strong leader to a man hopelessly clinging to past glory. (For those of you who follow here, you’ll note that the middle-aged white man, unable to adapt or reinvent himself and grown bitter, is no stranger to the author of this blog.) We watch how Cora manages him masterfully.

And then there are the servants…

So between the mostly excellent writing, acting, scenery, costumes, cinematography and lessons in managing men, I eagerly await tonight’s episode – and the words and phrases whose use it will likely inspire.

love me some v-day

I love me some V-day!

Even though I’m currently single (and refused to give that one guy who’s pursuing me my address so that he could deliver a surprise to my house), I am a romantic at heart and simply love the whole notion of an entire day dedicated to the celebration of love! What could be better?

Some folks skeptically call it a Hallmark holiday — and perhaps that’s true. Still, who cares who made it up or why? I love love, and any opportunity to blather on about it is peachy in my mind.

Another friend calls it “the day before the candy goes on sale.” I love that, too!

In my ideal life, I am celebrating with a lover out at one of the most romantic and cozy spots in the city. Perhaps after we’re close / committed, it’s a romantic night in, at home. Or, when the children are gone, a weekend getaway.

At any rate, I don’t care about those things at this moment. I am simply happy being a solo explorer with much love in my life, grateful children (who were surprised with books and chocolate this morning) and knowing I’m on the right path to find the mate who will honor and cherish me.

So tonight my little family will celebrate by sorting the recycling…and maybe grabbing a bite out. Can’t you just feel the romance?!

p.s. Yes, my ex boyfriend has already sent a loving text my way.

what goes unsaid

As I’ve mentioned, my ex boyfriend and I have been a bit chatty lately, occasionally meeting for coffee and such. It’s certainly pleasant to reconnect, but there’s more: hearing his voice, spending time with him — it does send my imagination to spinning.

Probably he senses this: after all, he’s a smart man. And so he goes on, telling me of his happy new relationship — the milestones, the shared experiences, how crazy she is for him…

The one thing he’s failed to express is how crazy he is for her.

Do you reckon that’s to spare my feelings? Or for some other reason…?

my foolish stars

I have a horoscope app on my mobile device. I don’t take it too seriously, of course, but am open to an awareness of the energy potentials or influences of the moment.

Lately, however, my app seems to be mocking me. On a nearly daily basis since around the first of this year, it assures me that I am on-fire attractive, either enjoying better-than-ever chemistry with my mate or that I’m bound to meet the love of my life in the produce aisle or on other errands. There we’ll be, examining the avocados, when we each happen to reach for the same specimen, our hands touch, our eyes lock, and we recognize instantly, in that moment, that we are destined to be together.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t say it’s ever happened to me quite that way…

You’ll recall that my love life these past couple of weeks has not been rosy. And, while I was hurt, angry, then glum for a streak of days, I am once again hopeful and open to whatever romantic possibilities might enter stage left (or right, for that matter).

Oh, that my chart and my reality would align. Meanwhile, my best course of action is to delete this sneering app!

props to the first husband

Now that the heightened emotions of the election have waned enough to bring it up: GObama!

I say this not for any politically motivated reason, but because this man knows how to give his woman props for not only putting up with, but also campaigning through, a second presidential election. You may recall these words from his acceptance speech:

“…And I wouldn’t be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago.

Let me say this publicly: Michelle, I have never loved you more. I have never been prouder to watch the rest of America fall in love with you, too, as our nation’s first lady…”

Damn! Our first man’s got it going on!

What’s right about it?

“…wouldn’t be the man I am today…” He gave his wife credit for making him a better man, right there in front of the whole world.
“…agreed to marry me…” He acknowledges that this was an agreement, something they did together, which translates to partnership or equality. (You may have noticed that a certain other political party got this whole message wrong…but again, this post is not about politics; it’s about love and appreciation!)
“I have never loved you more.” Man enough to express his softer side to the world, that his love has grown.
“…to watch the rest of America fall in love with you, too…” He sees what others see in her, or how they respond to her, and appreciates her for that, too!

Men, take a lesson from this: Find opportunities to let your spouse, partner, girlfriend know you appreciate her (or him). On second thought, let’s not limit this to men; we can all learn a thing or two about expressing appreciation from this speech. And, while most of us don’t have access to every major news outlet in the world (or speech writers ensuring we make it sound pretty), we can still share publicly, even if in front of a select few, just why we think that special someone is so special.

Now go forth and appreciate!

you’re doing it wrong!

While on my recent girls’ weekend, I shared a few of my dating-gone-awry stories — you know, like the guy with the elastic waistband, the guy wearing those hideous brown shoes (with black pants, I might add) and many, many more.

Finally, one of the women exclaimed, “Wow, don’t you just want to take a guy by the shoulders, shake him a few times and tell him, ‘You’re doing it wrong!’?” Which was immediately followed by the idea that we could go into business coaching men about how to date without making complete asses of themselves.

But why stop there? There are plenty of women who are making mistakes, too! Take, for instance, the single woman some girlfriends and I ran into at the bar the other night. When the three of us noticed she was alone, we included her in our conversation. It all began so nicely, and then…

This woman, who was well into her forties, began to share news of her best date ever, which happened to have occurred within the past several days. They golfed, and her game was great! They dined. They had wonderful conversation. And she slept with him. On the first date. (Okay, to be honest, there was some disagreement among we original three as to whether this was truly a bad thing…but I guess it depends on what you’re looking for.) And, with him, she’d experienced her first-ever orgasm. Actually, she said he’d given her her first orgasm…now that’s love! (failed writes sarcastically).

But wait: it gets worse!

She lamented that they had talked about doing something over the weekend and he hadn’t yet called (it was Saturday night). She confessed to mixing business and pleasure by saying that she’d see him at a work event early the next week. And then she said she’d already made him chocolate chip cookies because he happened to have mentioned that he liked them.

That’s when I turned to her and said dryly: “You’re doing it wrong.”

“What?!” she asked, incredulously. “Okay, tell me more. Clearly I need to hang out with you gals more often!”

Let’s ignore for a moment that all four of us at the bar were single… Suspend your disbelief, as she did, to hear what we had to say:

You’re trying too hard to please him. Already. What’s he going to do for you?
Don’t invest so much in one great date. Be a little indifferent; let him pursue you.
Now you know how to orgasm. It’s not about him; you’re the one who’s awakened your abilities.
Leverage him to help your career and see if the relationship thing works later. Or vice versa. Trying to do both at once will give him all of your energy and attention. That’s too much too soon.

Her: “So I shouldn’t give him the cookies?”

Me: “No.”

Her: “But I already have them zipped up in a storage bag with his name on it.”

Me: “Absolutely not. You can have them around your house and, if he happens to drop by, you can casually offer him one. Do NOT let him know you made them for him.”

Her: “Okay” (uncertainly).

I left feeling I’d done my good deed for the weekend.

Let me be clear: I do not position myself as an expert in dating. Like most of us, I can point out what’s glaringly wrong and, luckily, I’ve learned a lot from experience. I was probably in her shoes — trying too hard, appearing desperate — maybe even as little as two years ago. I acknowledge I have much, much more to learn as I embark on my journey of finding a wonderful, nurturing, uplifting sort of partnership.

And, along the way, I sure as heck would appreciate if someone would be kind enough to let me know when I’m doing it wrong!

a little magic, please

The reason I took the step of dating online is because my time is compressed: I get the children out the door in the morning, drive to work, work, drive to pick up the children, scramble to put dinner on the table and try to catch up on work, housework or quality time with my angels in the evening. I usually collapse of exhaustion sometime before ten each night. In other words, I don’t see a lot of openings or opportunities during which I might happen across someone who shares similar interests, knows other folks in common or might otherwise catch my gaze from across the room, knowing instantly…

Ideally, this would all unfold more naturally: my wish is to meet someone who is part of one of my circles, with whom I get to spend time in groups — someone with whom a sense of comfort and interest will develop over time, blossom into a friendship and then become passionate over time.

So here is my wish to the universe:

Let him have kind eyes and a warm smile.
Let him get me and all my weirdness and idiosyncracies and love me not in spite of them but because of them.
Let our relationship come at the right time and for the highest good of everyone involved.
Let us bring out the best in one another.
Let us be blessed with abundance so that we may give and share and be generous with the blessings we bestow upon others.
Let him save a special look just for me.
Let us love, honor and respect each other.

I realize this list is a great deal different from what I wrote many, many months ago — and which I haven’t looked at since I don’t know when, probably more than a year now.

I’m not sure whether or how this might happen, but I’m keeping the faith and holding space in my heart for the possibility.

room for two

It’s been rather vexing lately to wake and find company in my bed: namely, a ten-year-old and her stuffed friend. I was complaining about this trend to my former boyfriend recently, who remarked, “You should enjoy this while you can — it’s not going to last forever.”

True enough. I shall quit my bitching.

And then said he followed up with, “Do you even see yourself ever allowing a man to share your bed?”

I was shocked.

In a word: YES! Good lord, of course I hope to share my bed with some fabulous man — and sooner rather than later. (He should know: many nights I’d shared it with him.)

But it’s not just all about sharing a bed, is it? There’s much more to this love and compatibility and companionship business…which is why I intend to take my time to find the one I’m going to want in my bed for the next half a century or so. Which is longer than I’ve been alive so far and the last guy made twelve years seem like a mighty long time, so it’s a lot to contemplate. (Well, to be fair, only the last few years seemed like the misery would never end.)

At any rate, there is room in my bed for two…and preferably, for someone other than my ten-year-old to poke me in the ribs and tell me to roll over so that I stop snoring. Yes, I welcome it!

written in the stars

I have one of those daily horoscope apps on my smart phone. Today, it had this message for me:

“Pretend for a moment that love is like a star in the sky. It twinkles in the distance. It is surrounded by darkness. It is far away and unattainable. You can’t…get in your rocket ship and soar to a star. If you have felt cynical or hopeless about having the best kind of love in your life, it may be because you are — without realizing it — thinking of it as something you cannot really have. But you can. And the time has never been better. Take the first step…”

Hmmm…a thinker: both challenging and really, really nice. I’m open…

crazy life

Life’s been a little crazy, y’all, so I haven’t had much time to write. There are children’s club or school activities each night, and much mayhem in the workplace. Here’s the rest in a nutshell:

I went to my first-ever sex toy party last weekend…and all I could think about was how much fun this stuff would be if there was a guy in my life to experiment with me! (Okay, truth be told, I was imagining the fun my ex boyfriend and I would have had with those toys!) And the other weirdness about it was that, for all the fodder, the girls (friends of a friend) never really got very fun or playful. Most of the women I know will confess that we can easily get far more raunchy than any group of men. Heck, even my co-workers at the office and I have had conversations that were more suggestive and knowing and “girlfriend-y” than what was going on at this “party.” Oh well, at least I can say I’ve been to one.
Mother’s Day is coming up Sunday. My children are cheerily bringing home plants from school and hiding cards and offering me back rubs and other sweet gestures; meanwhile, I’m not sure Hallmark makes a card that adequately expresses the sentiments I feel for my mother at this moment. She has just bought a car with her long-time ex, which prompted a greater flurry of communication between her children (me) and sister (my aunt) and daughter-in-law than we typically have in a given year. What to do with our crazy mother, who has clearly lost her mind?! One day, I got the recap of my sister-in-law’s conversation with her; the next, I heard my brother-in-law pleading with (yelling at) her to “Wake the fu#% up!” in the midst of a passionate and inspired 45-minute diatribe. My own words toward her were frank, laced with kindness and entirely ungenerous to her ex. She is getting a book about verbal abuse for a Mother’s Day gift. If she doesn’t find it useful in her relationship with the sociopath in her home, perhaps she can at least learn to deal with the rest of us.
Finally, my ex (boyfriend, not husband) texted me today, calling me “sweetie.” I wonder if he’s been thinking about me as much as I’ve been thinking about him, or if he just accidentally texted the wrong girl…? Regardless, it was sweet to hear from him.

Stay tuned…