It’s interesting that I feel so grounded and centered with so much weirdness around me:
Someone material to me has just made one of the most unmitigatedly, colossally poor decisions of her life: she has allowed her ex to move back into her life and into her home. The ex is certainly narcissistic, quite possibly a psychopath, who was fired from his job for screwing an intern (in his office) who called him “Dad.” This is while married. The divorce was ugly; she has struggled to manage a large house and finances since. And she’s willing to take the philandering douchebag back… Ugh. Sadly, the woman in question is my mother. Containing the fallout will surely mean my relationship with her changes, as will the relationship she has with my children. The manipulative man formerly known as my stepfather has no place in my life.
Meanwhile, I’ve shared this news with my ex, whose response was that — if she could forgive and take him back — perhaps there was hope for us to reconcile, as well… Um, no.
Despite the drama going on around me, I’m managing my boundaries…so far, so good anyway.
3 thoughts on “a whole new world of weird”
Don’t do it!
There’s a rule of taking one month out from danitg for every year you were in a relationship after that relationship breaks up. If you were married for 8 years and dated for a year before that, take 9 months off from danitg. The reason behind this is that you need to get some perspective about who you are beyond a relationship and to heal the aches. If you start danitg too soon, you risk having the anger toward your ex bubble out inappropriately to your next date and that doesn’t give yourself, or the new guy a decent chance.Take the time to do a postmortem (an examination of the dead relationship) and figure out how to come to peace with the issues and be honest with yourself about your part in the failure of the marriage. Even if he was an abusive loser there are things you could have done better, like not choosing an abusive loser. This helps you prepare yourself to do better in your next relationship.Also take time to tend to your children. Divorce is hard on children and going through men in their lives only makes it harder. This is an opportunity to show your children a healthy lifestyle can be had without a partner and how to make mature decisions for the next partner in your life. But please think of your children and tread cautiously when it comes to danitg, they’re going through a lot as it is.If those prospects are worthwhile they will wait or check back with you later. If you’re not ready there’s no reason to push it because they seem nice. You need time to heal and care for your kids in this transition. If you’re worth it to them, they’ll wait or work on developing a friendship. It’s not too early to develop platonic friendships (that could develop into a relationship down the line) but be strong about taking your time. You deserve that. Reply