…or perhaps a lover

Yesterday I suggested that I might take a Machiavellian approach to dating to enlist some help for necessary home repairs. Today, I’m considering being a little more forthcoming about my desired exchange. I’m thinking about taking a lover.

Let me explain:  I had the kind of week last week that highlighted yet another opportunity for healing and growth — i.e. more baggage. I’ve spotted a pattern and, when it rears its ugly head, I question my readiness to engage in a healthy adult relationship. I think a little more self work would result in a healthier me, my being attractive to healthier potential partners and, ultimately, a healthier relationship.

So perhaps I should focus on my own priorities for a while and, rather than open myself to the prospect of a relationship, simply seek sex…

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About failedatforty


7 responses to “…or perhaps a lover

  • michads

    Eh, things will turn around. Don’t degrade yourself and stoop so low….

    • failedatforty

      Hmmm…interesting response. I guess I never thought of entering into a mutually satisfying physical relationship with someone as degrading myself, although I can imagine scenarios where that would be the case…

      • michads

        Sorry if I was a bit out of line. I just can’t disconnect the two — in order for a satisfying physical relationship (for me anyways) there has to be a satisfying emotional relationship as well…

      • failedatforty

        That’s not out of line at all! I’ve always been the same way…but I’m starting to gain a slightly different perspective as I get older. I think it is possible for two people to care about each other, enjoy each other physically, be emotionally supportive and still know that she or he is not the one. As long as everyone’s honest, I think it can work for awhile.

      • michads

        It’s the “awhile’ part that gets me.. – someone will want it to end before the other — which most likely will bring the same pain as if it were a “normal” relationship. Or, I imagine a scenerio in which one person finally meets their “soul mate” or someone they fall in love with — the friendship with the other person would have to stop. At least in my opinion. If it was mainly physical I would never be comfortable with the person I love hanging out with them… sorry, just “speaking my mind”….

  • the big 3-0-0 « failedatforty

    […] recently also wrote about potentially taking a lover. One of my male friends has courageously offered himself for the role; however, I have to decline […]

  • home videos and other nuggets « failedatforty

    […] I feel as though I’ve really met A LOT of men these past few months — some of them are great guys, many of them an intellectual match…but, so far, I haven’t met anyone I want to make home-made pornos with. Not that I would make home-made pornos, mind you, but I haven’t felt that sort of connection or desire to get naked with any of these guys I’ve met…yet. I’m willing to be patient, to give things time to develop…but I’m kinda doubtful that I’m gonna get to where I’m feelin’ it with anyone I’ve met thus far. There’s just no chemistry. (Which might explain my contemplating looking for a lover.) […]

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