truth and lies

It’s been awhile, and I apologize for leaving you hanging. My day job tripled in size for a few weeks, and I could bear neither staring at a screen any longer nor staying up later than I have each day this week. Luckily, I believe the immediate craziness has passed, so that I can lull you to sleep with dull observations and lazily-drawn conclusions about relationships.

That said, here’s another:  I have long espoused the general belief that unequivocal honesty is always best, particularly in intimate relationships. But the truth is that women and men lie to one another.

I can overhear the movie the children are watching downstairs: “Men lie; they can’t help it.”

Should I be allowing them to watch this? Should I at least be providing some commentary to refute that? I’m not.

And women lie, too, mostly in ways we think are harmless:

What, these? No, I’ve had these shoes for months.

No, this was at the back of my closet. I’ve only just rediscovered it!

Who? Susan? Oh, you know, she’s out-of-town visiting a sick relative.

Sometimes our desire to keep peace and protect overrides our honesty.

Is that okay in the course of a long-term committed relationship? I think many couples know each other well enough to enjoy a tacit understanding of what types of things each other lies about, under what circumstances and why.

Are you honest in the absolute sense? How much dishonesty is okay? Is any okay?

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About failedatforty


2 responses to “truth and lies

  • Day Today Dating

    In a relationship it’s always best to be as honest and transparent as possible, although inevitably, some “white lies” will get told along the way.

    – K.

    • failedatforty

      But is it really inevitable? Or is it just that we become lazy? I mean, do we tell little white lies because they’re easier than dealing with “stuff,” when dealing may be the very thing we need to do to maintain genuine intimacy in our relationships?

      I wonder…

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