somebody’s watching me

“I always feel like somebody’s watching me, and I have no privacy.” — Rockwell

I couldn’t resist bringing up the 80s synth pop in light of having learned that my beau has found my blog. This nugget was made self-evident as we were having our exclusivity conversation. He said things like:

It was too great a coincidence that he would mirror back to me my own language, yet I didn’t put it together fully until I’d arrived home. I texted him, “When did you start reading my blog?” and went to bed.

I knew it was inevitable that he’d stumble on it or be curious enough to seek it out, and I was willing to share after we’d gotten to know each other a bit better…

He seemed almost apologetic for having stumbled upon it — and quickly swore that he wasn’t creepy or anything. He told me that he respects me more for having a deeper understanding of what I’ve been through and an intimate window into what probably amounts to excessive introspection. And he even handled my last post fluidly. He understands that I’m writing about me and not about him.

I suppose the lesson in this, if there is one, is that I’m worthy of being appreciated for being myself, even when I let it all hang out, and regardless of what relationship drivel du jour I publish here.

p.s. Hi, Sweetie!

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About failedatforty


3 responses to “somebody’s watching me

  • Lipstick and Playdates

    Yikes! I honestly wouldn’t want any guy I’m dating to find my blog. I hide my blog from potential mates and dates, much like men hide their porn from girlfriends. The only problem is a blog can’t fit under the mattress.

  • Angie H.

    Your freak flag is flying! It’s better he know sooner than later, and anyway it’s the reason I’ve always admired you. Don’t let the discovery prevent you from blogging. It’s been fun reading your stuff this year..

  • Mediamichele

    I have always let my relationships know that I have a blog and they have also commented. However, when I “named” one, using a “nickname” of course, he freaked out and it also became apparent to him that I was “dealing with other issues” around the relationship and he broke up with me. Another person I date, reads the blog and comments that he is envious of my ability to write about how I feel. It is a very fine line writing about what you feel – openly and honestly – but wanting to respect the privacy and feelings of another person. I took the one blog down that created the “problem”, but keep writing. You will come to appreciate the person who supports and actually embraces your writing.

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