is the “instant relationship” real?

What sometimes happens for women when they begin to see someone is what dating expert Chris Carter calls the “instant relationship.” Women will begin to fantasize early on about what this new fellow might become in their lives. They see themselves holding hands, walking along the beach, kissing with this guy…

Sometimes women allow themselves to take the fantasy and run with it, getting ahead of themselves. Apparently men can sense this mental leap a woman has made, and it scares the daylights out of them. So they turn around and run.

For women who are emotionally healthier and more mature, this habit of visualization is more like a filtration process. If we can’t envision holding hands with or kissing a man, we’re not likely to want to go out with him again. It’s difficult to get excited about the possibility.

What do you think? Is this phenomenon real?

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About failedatforty


2 responses to “is the “instant relationship” real?

  • Tess

    I completely agree. I think men can sense that you’ve mapped out the future with them in it. When you think you’re not attracted to someone at first, there’s no pressure. They can tell and they are more comfortable themselves. When you feel like your entire future rests on every moment you spend with this person, it’s a little too much to handle.

    I think women do this naturally. How else are we supposed to plan for our future children, home, etc. It’s almost impossible to not picture this new man in your life down the road and how he’s going to play into it. I don’t blame us for doing this, but I think sometimes we need to pump the breaks and be more realistic.

    I have to remind myself that everyone has faults. I may feel infactuated at first, BUT it’s possible he could show his true colors and the “future” is going to play out very differently after that I decide he’s not going to make the cut.

    We just have to keep in mind that we’re seeing the sugar-coated version of this man and take it easy!

  • mysterycoach

    I just wrote about this the other day, although I don’t remember exactly which day. They’re the pretty little pictures we create in our mind when we like someone and hope that those little pictures become real. For myself, I grin at my own thought process and then put them back in the box until they actually show up, do things together with me, spend time and I get to know them.

    It’s like putting a cork in a bottle of champagne on that happy feeling (which stinks) but … it’s much better to wait and see before letting our imagination go wild, than to drink the whole bottle, realize we were smitten way too soon and the… well, 🙂 Throw up later because we were wrong and we’re not a match with the guy.

    It’s the smitten phase… and god forbid if they smell good and you’re attracted to them. I don’t know about the guy sensing it but now I don’t feed it any pretty pictures unless it’s actually happening. Did I make any sense? I’m not awake yet LOL 🙂

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