a few lessons in online dating

I’ve had an online profile for a little over a month now, and I’ve learned some things along the way that surprise me:

First, I was surprised at the quality of men I was seeing, largely because many of them were really quite unattractive. Still, I found someone nerdy cute enough to correspond with and decided to keep an open mind.

When an opportunity popped up for me to learn which of my profile photos was most attractive, I took it and was, in turn, asked to compare profile photos from men across the site. I learned which photo was recommended for me to use as my primary profile photo and, later, received some surprising news:  I had been deemed — based on men across the site comparing my profile photo against others — more attractive than average, and would now be shown more attractive matches. Really?!? The surprise was not my own relative appeal, but that this blasted online site had been holding out on me, leading me to believe that most single guys were unappealing as hell! Thankfully, I’m now finding there are some men who are both single and good-looking!

Second:  People are flaky. I mentioned before that I’d had a date and a second one planned, but nothing further has panned out with that fellow. His life seemed to be getting complicated before communication dropped off altogether.

I’ve been targeted by some guys who simply stop writing after a few messages or can’t hold a conversation, one guy who “needs” a woman, and a few who are all about whether my photos are current. And there are men who haven’t invested the time to fill out their profile or answer compatibility questions, meanwhile expecting me to give them the time for coffee. Some haven’t even uploaded a photo — and I tend to assume there’s a reason for that!

Third:  You’ve got to roll with the positive feedback. It’s nice to hear that I have a beautiful smile, whether or not I’m interested — I’ll take it! There is a really cute guy I’d love to meet because he seems like a fun conversationalist and a good flirt. And now I’m being chased by a 20-something. I am mildly amused and flattered by this, and he seems young and eager and willing to do all the work.

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