As I mentioned, I was confused, hurt, angry and more about Lee’s text telling me he needed some time. For a while I was convinced that he’d chucked me, then I was hopeful I’d hear from him after a few weeks. I also thought ahead to what might happen if he did want to come back into my life: it would be difficult to regain the trust I’d had for him after a move like that…if it was possible at all.
Colleagues and friends asked me how things were going and, after catching them up on recent happenings, I noticed a trend in the way men and women responded to the news:
It’s not you; this is all about him.
When God closes a door, he opens a window.
This one’s not meant to be. Something better is just around the corner.
Move on. Get back on the horse.
He wasn’t the one for you. The one for you is looking for you now.
In other words, the women’s advice was largely something like, “let it go; move on.”
My male friends and colleagues had a very different response to my story:
You deserve an explanation.
You need to call him and demand answers!
Something had to have happened, and you deserve to know what it was.
You need / deserve closure.
My response to these well-intended gentlemen was this: What reason could possibly be good enough? Particularly given the way he left things. Had he met me somewhere and sat down and actually talked about his feelings and asked me for understanding, this situation would look much different than it does. As it stands, there is no possible explanation that could suffice for what he did and the way he did it.
One male friend actually said:
This is a good thing. You need him to finalize his divorce, so that he can be available to you. And don’t worry: there are not trainloads of women looking for a man like Lee.
Perhaps the most hilarious response came from a girlfriend with a penchant for calling while consuming wine. She is often slurring by the end of our conversations. She told me how nice it had been to meet my boyfriend and went on to say how comfortable he seemed amidst the chaos (of the fish fry, at which all of our children were present)…
She went on until I cut her off with:
We’re through. He needed some time.
You should keep that door open. He seemed stable, kind and well-adjusted.
He ended it via text.
I hope you never speak to him again! The man’s an idiot. He has no idea how dumb a move he just made! You were totally out of his league. You look a good 15 years younger than he does. Not smart enough to know how good he had it!
But wait! There’s more to this story…I’ll fill you in soon.