second dates suck

First dates are pretty easy; I feel confident in my ability to keep the small talk going with just about anyone. I went on two dates last weekend and I’ve concluded that second dates suck!

Here’s why:

  • You’ve covered the basics of conversation and may have to work harder to keep the dialogue flowing smoothly.
  • I find that men who really want to impress a woman end up feeling more nervous and awkward, and either go completely overboard trying to impress or try to play it cool and come off like an ass.
  • Breaking the physical touch barrier can be awkward. It’s so easy to think back about how natural it felt to be physically close to my last boyfriend, for example…and it’s easy to forget that there was a time, as we were getting to know one another, during which it didn’t feel natural and we had to invest time building a level of physical comfort. So I’m trying to be my relaxed, friendly, flirtatious self …but…if I don’t feel chemistry with a guy, I’m not going to give off the kind of cues that encourage or welcome his touch. Sometimes it takes time for that sort of ease and desire to grow. Other men take just a little too much charge and aim for the epiglottis with the tongue.

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. In fact, one of my close friends told me about starting to date her husband:  After the first date, she had felt such a connection and promise that she really looked forward to seeing him again. The second date was awkward and uncomfortable (because he was so nervous). She wondered if she’d only imagined all the great potential she’d felt during the first date. Luckily for her, she gave it another chance and, starting with their third date, they really started to get their footing. Now they’ve been married for three years, bought a home together and have a child.

So here’s what it all comes down to:  Basically everyone gets a free pass on the second date — at least if the first meeting went well — because you’ve got to get past the weirdness of it and give it a chance. At least that’s my take.

Trust me when I say there’s plenty of weirdness…like the guy I met for coffee and a walk who then asked me out for our “first date” (really our second)…more on that next.

p.s. Don’t you just love the word epiglottis?!

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About failedatforty


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