I am not alone…real dating horror stories

I cannot report that I’ve been super enthused about my post-divorce dating experience. I’ve experienced flaky men, very little chemistry, awkward conversations and have met online one man who sparked my interest enough for me to genuinely look forward to seeing him again. As it happens, I’m not the only one going through an unsatisfying streak…

I recently enjoyed a morning with a younger, single (never married) girlfriend who is beautiful, fit, charming, delightful, intelligent and far beyond kind. She is the kind of girl a man would be proud to bring home to meet his family and, if he wasn’t a complete idiot, might recognize that he should throw himself at her feet and beg her to spend the rest of her life with him. And soon, before some smarter man figures it out. She is that amazing!

And she is having as shockingly bad experiences (or bad luck?) as I’ve been having on the dating scene…actually, worse!

I “get” my problems dating. I still feel like a fuck-up some of the time. More-like-it suggested I’m judging harshly — and I know I’m finding excuses to not get out and meet men. I’ve got baggage and am still working to become the kind of woman who draws spectacular, loving men to me effortlessly. And, frankly, my time is precious and so are my girlfriends. I’m more inclined spend time with them than take a chance on meeting some other guy from an online dating site.

But my girlfriend? Well, her time is precious, too, and she’s got an active social life with lots of great gals. She is the girl who taught me to meet men with a camera:  go up to a group of guys, and ask one of them to take a photo of you with your girlfriends — it’s an easy ice breaker and great way to start a conversation.

Here are some of the dating stories she told me during our time together:

She met a really awesome guy out one evening. They hit it off immediately and began talking, texting and spending time together. Suddenly, he didn’t call for a week. And then, when he did, he told her that his ex-wife (from whom he’s been divorced for eight months) wanted to get back together. Though she treated him horribly and initiated the divorce, he was compelled to give it another try because “it’s the right thing to do.”

With another man, she had amazing intellectual and philosophical conversations (not to mention some amazing make-out sessions)…until that night he told her he could really imagine spending his life with her, thus felt the need to lay his cards on the table. Dude is creeped out by buttons and fascinated by skeletal parts of small animals. Rarely wears suits (in fact, chose a career to accommodate) and collects the remains of small furry animals. No shit. Needless to say, her attraction evaporated pretty much on the spot. No more for me, thanks; I’ve lost my appetite.

And then there was the long-distance man she so enjoyed over the phone and via email…when they managed to be in the same city, he took her out for a lovely dinner and then suggested a walk. But before they went walking, he had to stop at his car so he could strap on his hand gun. What?! Ok, he was in the military and from a more dangerous part of town…maybe forgivable…until he began telling her this story:  from his apartment window, he heard a scream and looked out to see a man dragging a woman across the parking lot forcefully by her hair. He yelled at this man to leave the woman alone. The man told him to mind his own business. So he began assembling his semi-automatic assault rifle right there in the window, aimed the laser at the abuser’s head and cocked it… Wow! Gotta love a defender of women, but you could dial 911… or you  could whip out your semi-automatic assault rifle, right?

And there’s more!

She went out for lunch along the river with a man she’d met. At the restaurant, she ran into the proprietor (who she knows). Her date immediately said, “Great, I hope now we’ll get a decent table and not have to wait so long!” He also connected with her on LinkedIn and, within minutes, proceeded to make sales calls to her place of business. Ewww. She later learned this fellow is a notorious jerk with whom several unfortunate, but fabulous, women have had run ins.

I can’t claim to have had such fantastically bad luck as my girlfriend…yet, apparently these are not unusual stories among singles these days. Another girlfriend has shown up to dates who looked nothing like their profile photos — I mean they were outright using someone else’s pictures. One guy was of an entirely different race than his online photo! Just goes to show you, there are a lot of nut jobs out there…

What are your dating horror stories? I’m dying to know. Honestly, in the same way that watching The Real Housewives makes me feel grounded and serene, it makes me feel just a little less alone in this crazy dating world to know others are experiencing a little madness, too!

7 thoughts on “I am not alone…real dating horror stories

  1. Feel free to check out MY blog and read some of MY horror stories! No one with a semi-automatic rifle (thank goodness!) but plenty of idiots! The online dating world is, as an acquaintance put it, a cesspool. I wouldn’t say it’s quite THAT bad but…well, I haven’t had much luck! At least we have our sense of humor!

  2. There’s just a lot of nutty people in the world honey and siphoning through them takes a lot of time.

  3. Here’s one: On the second date, he takes a call from his “factory manager” in Thailand after we’ve been seated at the restaurant. When he comes back to the table, he shows me her photo and lots of other photos of the young, desperate Thai girls he frequents during his “factory” visits. Needless to say, I ordered everything off the dessert menu–to go, and blocked him from further profile views. Ew.

  4. June 26, 2011 11:30 PM
    I just went on a date with a complete ass myself and I am so glad I found this post. It helps to hear someone else’s story so I know it’s not just me.

    I met this guy online, we chatted on the phone and skyped for a few days before we decided to meet for drinks. He was very attractive and from his facebook pictures seemed to be very social and “normal”.

    Long story short, he lied about his height, he said he was 5’10 and he was barely 5’8. I’m 5’11 so that was a bit of a problem.

    He also told me that his dad hit his mom twice and one of those times “she had it coming”!

    He talked about himself the entire time, didn’t ask me any questions about myself, and interrupted whenever I tried to interject in the conversation.

    He referred to women as “bitches”.

    I declined an offer to try his calamari and he asked “Why? Because you’re boring?”

    I listened to him talk about himself for two hours and patiently sat through him justifying the abuse of his own mother and refer to every female as a “bitch”, yet he felt the need to INSULT ME and imply that I’m a bore?!

    I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He acted shocked that I wanted to leave, as if I should have been having a good time?!

    I cancelled my match account and I am through with the online dating bullshit. I have met too many ego-maniacs with issues. I’ve had my fill.

    Good luck, ladies!

    1. This is hilarious. I have never done online dating and never will. I can’t say I’m meeting many great guys offline. However, I’ve come to the realization that being single for the rest of my life may not be so bad after all.

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