a few thoughts on sex

Last week was a bitch, so let’s lighten things up… Is it too early in our relationship, Gentle Reader, for me to confess that my sexual proclivities are pedestrian?

Here it is:  I like(d) plain old married sex. Sure, I’m what Dan Savage would call GGG, but I tend to go with what works. While I’ve had my share of bizarre encounters and enjoyed some creative and playful pleasure marathons, my taste ultimately tends toward the vanilla. I’m most likely to achieve satisfaction in the missionary or cowgirl positions.

I was asked recently if I enjoy wake-up sex. Frankly, I can’t imagine a time of day when I don’t enjoy it. I like it in the shower, up against a wall…cars are impossible, I find…if you have a swing, I definitely want a ride! Perhaps if there’s some strange element in all of this, it’s that I find it not only pleasurable and stress-relieving, but sexual fulfillment also gives me a feeling of abundance. The better my sex life, the less stress I feel about money, bills, cash flow… And it burns calories. Talk about a win-win-win!

A few other minor notes:

  • If forced to choose, I’d prefer a lover who ranks higher in skills/technique and desire to please than in size. (But I’d rather not choose.)
  • I most often wear plain cotton panties. They’re sexy on me. But if you like lingerie, buy some for me and I will happily wear it for you!
  • I’m a bit of a pillow princess. I’m going to lie back and enjoy this while you show off. You’ll find me quite responsive, and I’ll join in soon.
  • I have breasts. Show me you enjoy them. A lot.
  • There is no better foreplay than talking.
  • Foreplay is mandatory. Except when you’re such an amazing conversationalist that I’ve been dying to jump you all through dinner.
  • If you haven’t gone down on me, don’t expect me to go down on you. Really. You first, I insist!
  • What would ever make you think you don’t need to put on a condom?!
  • Sixty-nine never lives up to the promise. Sure, it’s fun to try, but I can’t truly enjoy receiving while simultaneously truly trying to give. Let’s take turns.
  • I kind of like it when you play with my feet, and I kind of love it when you thrust your tongue between my toes while simultaneously thrusting from your hips.
  • DO NOT apply a little saliva and aim for my rosebud the first time we’re together. (Yes, I speak from experience.)
  • I am a woman, not a four-year-old. There’s hair down there. Get used to it. I groom, but I don’t go Brazilian.
  • I have no interest in threesomes; strip clubs and porn don’t interest me (in fact, I find them somewhat exploitative, although I understand the debate goes both ways) and I don’t need an arsenal of accessories…just an attentive and giving lover.
  • Oh, and I’m vocal. You might want to close the windows.
Are you blushing yet? I am.
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About failedatforty


3 responses to “a few thoughts on sex

  • mysterycoach

    LOL 🙂 Man I couldn’t agree with you more about 69. It’s distracting, how are you going to pay attention to what you’re doing, when you’re enjoying what they’re doing? I mean at some point, you stop what you’re doing because… you know why. And it’s like, yah… I hear you.

    LOL Apply a little saliva … I have one thing to say about that. HAHAHAHA~~~~ !! Idiots, do they not know if they HAVE to do that, you’re not ready? Dugh….

    • failedatforty

      Ahem, the “rosebud” refers to an orifice that does, indeed, need some sort of lubricant…whether you’re “ready” or not! And it’s generally not thought of as first date territory!

  • mysterycoach

    Blink… hahahaha! I had the wrong side. 🙂 !

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