three conditions under which I might sleep with you

Recently, a dashing pauper volunteered to “fuck me stupid.”

It was a lovely offer, truly. But, as I’ve mentioned earlier, I have certain attitudes about casual sex just now, and I’m not interested in going there with this particular fellow at this juncture. So, in case you’re hopeful, here are three situations in which I might engage in a sexual relationship:

  1. I’ve ruled a man out, meaning that there is no possibility that I would ever want a relationship with him. Therefore, there is no danger that even a sexually-induced flood of oxytocin might cause me to become emotionally involved with the fool. And I’m likely kicking his ass out of my bed — or leaving his bed — at the earliest post-coital opportunity.
  2. I am in an exclusive, serious relationship that I believe to be headed toward commitment. Said man will have forgiven himself, forgiven his ex (if there is one), can believe in love, desires marriage and plans to commit for the rest of his life. I will sleep with him only if I believe we will enter into this act as though it were sacred, and with complete acceptance, love and a desire to open ourselves completely to the act of giving and receiving pleasure. And, at this point in the relationship, there should be no question that we want to wake up in each other’s arms.
  3. Number 1, above, is false. The conditions of number 2, above, might possibly be met at some time in the future and, in a moment of horniness, I change my mind.

In summary, there are no rules!

3 thoughts on “three conditions under which I might sleep with you

  1. Stick with number two and select who you want to be with. It takes longer… but aren’t you with it?

  2. Oops! I meant to say, aren’t you WORTH it.. chose a guy, don’t let them chose you. You chose, you hold the key, you decide what you want to put up with and what you don’t…. You are worth it.

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